now & then

For you were once darkness, 

but now you are light in the Lord. 

Live as children of light 

(for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 

and find out what pleases the Lord 

*Ephesians 5:8*

It still can "get me" how the Lord of lords softened my heart and transformed me into the woman that He's always intended for me to be.  Even that thought alone amazes me: that the God Almighty took notice of me, found me, and was merciful and gracious to mold me into someone whom He would like to use to expand His Kingdom.  The fact is, however, each one of us has that invitation extended to us - if only we would receive it, exchange our guilt and shame for an imperishable heavenly crown, stored up in heaven for us to receive that one glorious day.  Ah, I can only imagine!


 From pride, hate, arrogance, deceit, and selfish ambition, God is mighty to save! He has freed me of them all.  Those chains hit the ground! (Listen to Leeland's Chains Hit the Ground)


Many of you who will get to read this will say to yourselves "well, I wasn't that bad of a person - I never smoked, I never was a drunkard (although I socially drank), never killed anybody, never was promiscuous.  In fact, my mom was pleased with me in the things I excelled, and I wasn't a problem child to her at all.  I was a good student, a leader to my peers.  I worked hard in all the things I put my hands on, I volunteered to as many community events presented to me, I fed the hungry and the orphans, gave clothes to the poor, visited the old people in convalescent hospitals and the cancer-ridden kids at children's hospitals on Halloween and Christmas, put together toys and coloring books and socks and candies in shoeboxes that were shipped to poor countries for the kids there, and I even went to church almost every Sunday!"  


Exactly.
That was my defense, then, too.
However, this is what the sharp and living Word of God says about all that:

"All have turned away, all have become corrupt; 

there is no one who does good, not even one" 

(Psalm 14:3, 53:3)

There was a raging battle within me to accept that.  I had always regarded myself as a good person - one who was strong-willed in doing what I thought was good, caring and looking out for others, greatly ambitious, a hard worker in all things, and did only the reasonable and socially-acceptable leisurely stuff. Yes, I was quite the prideful young lady with a good head on her shoulders.  

However, if you could somehow have seen the true contents and make-up of my heart within me - like the Lord God was able to do and still can do - you would have been repulsed by what you could have seen, perhaps greatly sorrowful as well.  Repulsed because of all the evil truly residing in my heart, despite the good-deed outer appearance.  Sorrowful because of all the pain and sadness and emptiness that truly enveloped me as well - but which I covered up by strong self-will to avoid looking quite vulnerable to others, avoiding their pity.  

But praise God!! I am no longer any of that. 

That was my past, when I lived in darkness, chained to sin.

NOW, I have been REDEEMED!  

I've been made new through the covering of the precious blood of the Lamb of God when I repented of all of that.  My chains hit the ground!  Hallelujah!!!  God is good! And I was not at all.

I now walk with the Lord's light shining on me, guiding my steps to life everlasting with Him in peace and joy, even while still sojourning on this earth.   

No more shackles! 

No more pain! 

Glory to the Lord God, my Sovereign King!

I am now a wife of one man - a pastor of the Lord's sheep, whom I respect, serve and love.  I no longer abhor hatred within me because of things that occurred in my life - I laid them down at the feet of Jesus, because He said to cast our burdens and anxiety upon Him, for He cares.  I am filled with joy for the Lord granted me mercy and grace! I play the guitar to make music and bring praise and sing to the Lord, for that is good.  I keep a house that God has provided us, and it's open to serve Him.  I preach the Word of God, the same Word that came to life and brought conviction that led to godly sorrow and repentance, and then salvation - which now I work out with fear and trembling.  I am a medical student, whose previous selfish ambition to be a glamourous physician in the U.S.A. has been turned right-side up - meaning that it's now for His glory and His plans in His perfect will and timing.  I am daughter to parents, grand-daughter to grandparents, sister to siblings, auntie to nieces and nephews, niece to uncles and aunts, cousin to cousins, and friend of friends who still need the complete revelation of the Lord, that He took upon the punishment originally meant for us because of our wickedness and rebellion against the Lord God Almighty, and that He is currently beckoning for them (perhaps, for you too) to repent and return to Him truly and sincerely, and then enduring in it firmly.


I've closed the book of my old life, and am now living in the book of my newly transformed, redeemed life in Christ Jesus - Lord & Savior!


As in the God-inspired Word (the Bible):

Brothers and sisters, 

I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. 

But one thing I do: 

Forgetting what is behind 

and straining toward what is ahead,  

I press on toward the goal to win the prize 

for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:13-14